i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
When did angry sex become our thing?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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