you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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