youre lurking in front of me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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