Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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