Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
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