East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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