How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
