Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
