Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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