man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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