remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
