So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
