Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
