i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
