I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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