Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
