Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Congratulations! We have a period
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