So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
