Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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