ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
