guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
