so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
