The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
