i think my tv is drunk
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
