Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
