I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
