I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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