look no pants
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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