ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
