he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
