She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
