the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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