Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
