he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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