Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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