Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
