It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
