I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
