So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Will exercising make me less horny?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
