Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
