...so i touched it.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
