Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
