Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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