my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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