It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
