You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
bring money and cleavage
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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