Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
