All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
