I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
