I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
