One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
